I can't take it anymore
by lOsTnBrOken
Summary: Buffy is fed up with her horrible life and she rants about everything including Angel in a bar. With Angel a few feet away from her. *Suicide attempt!*


Buffy closed her eyes. Her entire world had just come crashing down. Riley had left her for some 'proper' Iowa chick. Buffy couldn't take it. She never realized how much she hid behind Riley. It's not that she loved him. She probably never would have. But she hid behind him to keep everyone from seeing how sad and lonely little Buffy really was. She missed Angel and hated to admit it. With that Buffy walked towards the bar. Nothing like drowning your sorows in a good drink.  
  
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I never thought I'd die alone  
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?  
I trace the cord back to the wall  
No wonder it was never plugged in at all  
I took my time, I hurried up  
The choice was mine I didn't think enough  
I'm too depressed to go on  
You'll be sorry when I'm gone  
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Angel walked into the bar. He came here to forget all his problems. Just as he walked in he felt the tingly sensation he got whenever he was around Buffy. Sure enough she was slumped over the bar counter, with at least 10 empty bottles in front of her. Angel sat a considerable distance away from her. She bagan to talk to the bar tender. "Have you ever wanted to die?" The bar tender looked a little startled."No, why do you?" She laughed breathily. "Because my life sucks. I'm Buffy the vampire slayer slash whore!" The bar tender looked at her funny. "Your a vampire slayer? Most of them never drink." She looked at him."Well most of them don't live to 21." The bar tender nodded. Buffy began to sob." First i fall in love witha vampire. Then after we get happy he goes all shitzo on me, kills the librarians girlfriend, and then, THEN he goes normal when i'm about to slice his head off! So i send he son of a bitch to hell and run away. And then FATE has to play a visit. Make me come back. I thought he was in love with me again. But someone up there hates me. Faith of all people shoots him with some poisonus thing, so i gotta feed him my blood to save him. He almost kills me, and then says he doesn't love me. In a sewer. And i HATE him!!" The bar tender looked at her sympatheticaly. "Life isn't easy honey." She noddded. "I know. Then i find some nice Iowa biy, and it's fun for awhile. But he sleeps with Faith while she's in my body, and then evrything goes downhill. Ya know? So after we arn't as close. Then my best friend performs a spell and gets me engaged to Spike."Angel practically choked on his beer. Spike?? "Then after the spell wears off Spike decides he's in love with me. So he tells Riley about my mom's brain tumor,mind you i don't know why i told Spike. I think it was because he was listening to me. Unlike Riley. So Riley, he gets pissed 'cause i didn't tell him. Then he gets all reblious and lets vampires suck his blood. I swear it gets him off. Then he meets a nice Iowa girl at school. They fall in love. He breaks up with me and says he can't handle having a slayer as his girlfriend. So he leaves. And life sucks." The bartender looked at her. "I think you should look for this Angel. It's apparent you still love him." She smiled."Your right. But he doesn't love me." With that she threw a fiftey on the counter."Thanks for listening to me." With that she turned around and walked out of the bar. The bar tender came over. "Poor kid. Some life she got." Angel could only nod. She thought he didn't love her  
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I never conquered, rarely came  
16 just held such better days  
Days when I still felt alive  
We couldn't wait to get outside  
The world was wide, too late to try  
The tour was over I'd survived  
I couldn't wait till I got home  
To pass the time in my room alone  
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. Angel slowly got up and went home. When he got there he pulled out a picture of Buffy and satred at it. It was taken when Buffy was about 14. He had taked it from Buffy's room before he left after Buffy graduated. She looked so, young, happy, and carefree. This was before Angel lost his soul, before she had to send him to hell, before she was even the slayer. Angel sighed and wondered what Buffy was doing at that exact moment. He traced his finger over the glossy picture and felt a blood tear stream down his face. If only she knew jow much he loved her. If only. There was a sudden knocking on the door as Weasley called out Angel's name.   
"Come on Angel, Cordeila want's us to watch her re-hearse for a part in a soap opera. And Gun and I are not going through it alone."  
He slammed the door and walked out. As Angel got up to wipe off the tears, thew picture of Buffy fell to the ground, and slowly turned over.   
  
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I never thought I'd die alone  
Another six months I'll be unknown  
Give all my things to all my friends  
You'll never set foot in my room again  
You'll close it off, board it up  
Remember the time that I spilled the cup  
Of apple juice in the hall  
Please tell mom this is not her fault  
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Buffy went into her room. Walking around the room, she began to think of all the screwed up things that had happened in her life. She tried to remember her life before she was a slayer, but it was all lost to her, like some dream she just couldn't reach. Crying softly, she knew what she had to do. Retrieving a knife from her weapons case and then put on a Korn c.d. she had found in Xnaders room a couple of weeks ago, the one he let her have. She whispered before she began to make the cuts : "I'm sorry Xander, Giles, Willow, Spike, and most of all, i'm sorry Angel"  
And then she made the first cut, and slowly felt the blackness swallowing her, like a blanket of relief mixed with grief and pain.  
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Later that night Willow walked into Buffy's house. She had just come from a witches meeting. She heard a Korn C.D. going in Buffy bedroom. When she went in there she screamed. Buffy was lying on the bed, cuts from her wrist to her elbow. On the wall Buffy had writtenin blood : I'll never forget' Willow ran down to the phone. She dialed 911.  
  
Angel Cordeila, and Weasly were sitting at the front desk of Angel Investigations when Xander walked through the door. His eyes were red from crying. Cordeila looked up. "What do you want?" He looked at her."B-Buffy tried t-t-to kill herself. She's in the h-h-ospital." Angel jumped up. "I'm going with Xnader. Cordy and Weasly, you guys stay here." They nodded and he followed Xander to his car.  
  
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When Angel got to the hospital the doctors immediately let him in and said that Buffy had been calling out his name in her sleep. He walked in and saw all her scares. He bagan to cry. He had been a contibutor to why she had done this. She slowly oppened her eyes. "Angel??" He looked at her. "God Buffy, i'm so sorry. I never stopped loving you and i never will." She looked at him with wonder in her eyes. "Really?" He nodded. She began to cry.He kissed her lips gently. She smiled at Angel. "I feel much better." Angel smiled at her. "Me to love, me to"  
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I never conquered, rarely came  
But tomorrow holds such better days  
Days when I can still feel alive  
When I can't wait to get outside  
The world is wide, the time goes by  
The tour is over, I've survived  
I can't wait till I get home  
To pass the time in my room alone  
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End file.
